I am writing this on the due date of my first baby. I’ve been thinking about starting a blog since I went on maternity leave a couple of weeks ago and have finally got round to sitting down and writing something.
I have always struggled with the concept of waiting. When I know something is going to happen I just want it to hurry up and happen! Considering pregnancy is one huge waiting game the last 9 months have been an extreme test of my patience, faith and character.
During the last 9 months I have learnt more about waiting than I could ever have imagined. Not just because I have been waiting for the baby but because when I was about 5 weeks pregnant my mum had a terrible car accident. There was a period of time when mum would not wake up. Doctors told us that the brain is a mysterious thing and they couldn’t predict what would happen. We spent many hours waiting for doctors to come in and give us news, waiting for some sort of response from mum, watching and trying to interpret the many machines that monitored her. Nothing was definite.
At this point we also had no way of knowing that the tiny little baby was ok and this felt like another huge thing that we had to wait for. The 12 week scan felt like years away. It wasn’t just impatience. I found that whilst waiting it was easy for my mind to worry and wonder and weigh up every possible problem that could go wrong. It was hard to stay positive.
Every day we prayed that mum would recover and it wasn’t just us praying. We were completely overwhelmed with support from not just our own churches but from Christians we barely knew from all over the country.
When reading the bible one day I was drawn to the passage in Psalm 27 that says
“I am confident that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord”.
After reading that I believed that mum was going to be ok. I wrote in a journal every day and I know that even though nothing changed very quickly, God was answering prayers every day. Although it wasn’t always easy to see and there were times where the situation seemed completely hopeless, we knew that God was in control.
Mum made an amazing recovery. Doctors went from saying her injuries were life threatening to life changing but as far as I can see the only lasting change has been the strength of our faith and our strength as a family. God showed me that his timing is perfect. He showed me that it is ok to have to wait for something to happen. He taught me to take each day as it comes and gave me enough light to get through each day.
As I sit here now, 40 weeks pregnant, full of excitement and apprehension I know that I can play the waiting game. I trust in God’s timing. I believe that he knows best. I choose to enjoy my last bit of time before the baby comes. After all, even miracles take a little time.